7 February 1999
Zazu: What are you grinning about, Iago?
Iago: I just watched a couple of really funny things on TV. The first one was that show about that classic comedy pair. You know, the crazy redhead who can't sing, but is always scheming to sneak into the nightclub to perform and getting in trouble; and the guy with the accent who runs the club and is always yelling at the redhead. What's the name of that show?
Zazu: <sigh> It must be "This Is Your Life." You've just described us perfectly.
Iago: No, no. The redhead is a lady, and the guy has a Spanish accent, not a British accent.
Zazu: Oh. That would be "I Love Lucy."
Iago: Right! That's the one. And after that, I watched "The Three Caballeros." I sure have heard a lot of Spanish accents today. You know, I enjoyed "The Three Caballeros," but I couldn't understand a lot of the dialogue.
Zazu: That's because you don't speak Spanish or Portuguese.
Iago: Who's talking about Spanish or Portuguese? It was the DONALD-ese I couldn't understand! Sheesh, he needs to see a speech therapist.
Zazu: Actually, that was NASH-ese that you couldn't comprehend, after Clarence "Ducky" Nash, the original voice of Donald Duck. Which reminds me, Donald celebrates 65 years in film this year. His first movie appearance was in "The Wise Little Hen" on 9 June 1934. As a matter of fact, 61 years ago, on 7 February 1938, the first "Donald Duck" comic strip was published. And, according to my records, "The Three Caballeros" was released in the U.S. on 3 February 1945, and "Saludos Amigos" was released on 6 February 1943. My goodness, this all ties in with the upcoming rehab of El Rio del Tiempo, the boat ride in the Mexico Pavilion at Epcot.
Iago: Rehab? What rehab?
Zazu: Haven't you heard? El Rio is closing on 28 July, and will re-emerge just before Christmas as a "Three Caballeros"-themed attraction.
Iago: Cool! That will be one psychedelic ride. I think somebody ate some funny churros before they made "Three Caballeros."
Zazu: Hmmmm. Since folks already refer to El Rio del Tiempo as It's A Small World on acid, the new theme will remain true to the spirit of the original.
Iago: Let's go ride it, and maybe we can figure out how they're gonna change it.
Zazu: Good idea. Maybe I can trade you for a piñata.
Iago: And on the way over, we can talk about José and Panchito, the other two caballeros.
Zazu: Why Iago, you can flap your wings and your gums at the same time? I'm very impressed.
Iago: So, tell me about José. He's my favorite.
Zazu: I'm not surprised. José, also known as Joe, or Ze in Portuguese, is an Amazon parrot from Brazil. Another nickname for him is the Brazilian Jitterbird.
Iago: Probably from all those Brazilian coffee beans.
Zazu: He wears a Panama hat, smokes a cigar, and his bumbershoot doubles as a flute.
Iago: Zazu! Are we allowed to say that?
Zazu: Of course we are! A bumbershoot is an umbrella.
Iago: That's a relief. I guess he needs one of those in the rainforest. One thing I don't understand, though. How come his name is José Karaoke? That's a Japanese name. Is it like that Alberto Fujimoro guy in Peru?
Zazu: It's not Karaoke, Jitterbrain. It's Carioca, which is a Brazilian word used to describe a native of Rio de Janeiro. His first name is derived either from José Carlos de Britto e Cunha, Brazil's most popular editorial cartoonist, who died in the 1950s; or José Oliveira, who was the voice of José. His girlfriend's name (in English) is Aurora, and his arch-rival is a rooster named Ze Gallo in Portuguese.
Iago: What does that translate to in English?
Zazu: Er, Joe Cock.
Iago: Uh-oh. I know we can't say that!
Zazu: José has -- surpise, surprise -- two nephews, named Zico and Zeca, and a sidekick by the name of Nestor, who is a crow. Though he is not well known here in the States, José Carioca became a cultural icon in Brazil. And a bit more trivia about him: he made a cameo appearance in "Alice in Wonderland." Look for him next time you watch it.
Iago: What about Panchito?
Zazu: Panchito is a Mexican chicken.
Iago: I thought you were the Mexican chicken. You never have more than two bean burritos at one sitting, whereas I....
Zazu: Yes, don't remind me of your bean prowess. I suppose we should really call Panchito a Mexican rooster. Clara Cluck is his girlfriend, by the way.
Iago: What!? Guess I have to take her out of my little black book.
Zazu: Panchito is voiced by Joaquin Garay. He is a rather wild character, singing with gusto and shooting off guns in "The Three Caballeros." Although he has made comic book appearances since that film, he has never appeared in another movie.
Iago: Well, I think it's great that these birds are gonna get their own attraction. Walt Disney World needs more birdy attractions.
Zazu: Ah, here we are, Iago. The Mexico Pavilion, where it's always twilight in the plaza. I do think this pavilion surpasses all the others for the pure beauty of its setting.
Iago: And those Mexican cast member ladies ain't bad either. It's pretty dark in here. That's gotta improve my chances. I think I'll just....
Zazu: Oh no you won't. We're here for the attraction.
Iago: Exactly. And I'm feeling very attracted to that little señorita right over there. Her name is Luz Ma. Isn't that beautiful?
Zazu: Into the boat, Don Juan, before you end up in the river.
Iago: Hey, these boats look just like....
Zazu: That's right. They're the same models used in It's a Small World and Pirates of the Caribbean. Each boat weighs about 2135 pounds, and holds nineteen people. The individual units remain in service for five years, at which time they are pulled for major rehab. There are 25 water-circulating pumps used, and the current that pushes the boat moves at a rate of 1.6 feet per second. The water depth is 2 feet; 8 feet in the unload/load area. The total track length is 824 feet, and the trip takes an average of about 8½ minutes.
Iago: I think they should change the ride vehicles during the rehab. In the movie, the three birds take a tour of Mexico on a Magic Serape. It's sort of like a Latin American version of Al's flying carpet. It's so cool. I wish I could ride that serape. Hey look! There's a star in the sky. Let's make a wish. I know what I'm wishing for.
Zazu: And I know what I'm wishing for ... <pause> ... Well, you're still here. So much for wishing on a star. Actually, the star by the volcano is but one of many fiber-optic stars in that sky. The rest don't work and never have.
Iago: That's a shame. But look at all those flash bulbs popping! Those people in the restaurant must know that we're stars.
Zazu: Don't be ridiculous, Iago. They're photographing the volcano. The fact that you're in the picture will just be a nasty surprise. Like getting swallowed up by hot lava. Look, now we're entering the time tunnel.
Iago: Is that pesky Jules Verne in this ride, too?
Zazu: No, but El Rio del Tiempo means "The River of Time." And I had a devil of a time finding the listing in Dave Smith's Disney Encyclopedia. Apparently, Dave speaks so little Spanish that he listed the attraction under "E" as "El Rio del Tiempo".
Iago: What's wrong with that?
Zazu: Iago, you never use the word "the" to file things under. If you did, you would have thousands of entries under "T", and you'd never be able to find anything.
Iago: That explains why it takes me so long to find phone numbers in my little black book. I've got the ladies listed as "The one who threw her chair at me," "The one who threw her drink at me, " "The one who threw up on me".... Thanks for the tip. I think I need a new book. Say, who's this guy, and what's he saying?
Mayan Priest: Uts talaha ane exte Mexico yanchan uuchich.
Zazu: He's a Mayan Priest, and I believe that translates as, "Welcome to the Mexico of ancient times."
Iago: Gee, these Maya people must make good narrators. They've got one of them at the Hall of Presidents, too. It's a lady. Sometimes I hear her just before I drift off....
Zazu: That is Maya Angelou! She is not -- oh, forget it. The Maya civilization originated in the Yucatan around 2600 B.C.
Iago: They had tanning salons back then? I went to one of those Yucca Tan places. It was horrible. I was all blotchy and....
Zazu: It is not a tanning salon! It's a peninsula, and the same area where the Walt Disney World Railroad's locomotives came from. Now, as I was saying, they developed astronomy, calendar systems, and hieroglyphic writing, and were noted for their elaborate ceremonial architecture. Their society began to decline around A.D. 900 when the southern Maya abandoned their cities. The cause is still a mystery. The northern Maya were then integrated into Toltec society and the Maya civilization basically ended around A.D. 1200.
Iago: Um, Zazu, what's with all the half-naked dancers, and how do I audition for a job like that?
Zazu: The River of Time represents three cultural eras in Mexican history -- ancient, colonial, and modern -- through the medium of dance. The Aztec dancers are performers from Ballet Folklorico de Mexico, a much respected arts organization based in Mexico City.
Iago: Well, I think this is the part of the ride where they can have the dancers from Veracruz that were in "Three Caballeros." Or maybe they should put the Acapulco beach scene here. Did you know that only ladies are allowed on Acapulco Beach?
Zazu: What are you talking about, Iago? There are plenty of men on the beaches in Acapulco.
Iago: Not in "The Three Caballeros." The whole beach was filled with pretty girls, Zazu. It was better than Atlantic City in September. The only guys were Donald, José, and Panchito. And the girls were tossing Donald into the air with a blanket, and he lost his clothes! I'll tell you this much: if Daisy, Aurora, and Clara see that movie, they are gonna be as mad as wet hens! But I know where I'm going on my next vacation. What a place to party!
Zazu: Speaking of partying, this next scene is known as the festival of children.
Iago: FESTIVAL!!?? It looks more like a funeral. There's more bones here than at the Haunted Mansion! What's with all the skeletons and spooky stuff? Is it Halloween?
Zazu: Not quite. It's the Day of the Dead, also known as "Dia de los Muertos." It's celebrated between 31 October and 2 November, which covers All Hallows Eve and All Souls Day. It's a time to remember family members who have died, and is considered the most important holiday of the year in Mexico. Oddly enough to us, it's a very festive occasion, with skeletons and skulls as the decorations of the day, and special breads and candies as treats. On 2 November, many people picnic at the gravesites of family members. The best explanation I can come up with about this holiday is that it's a Circle of Life thing. The dead are said to return on this day each year to enjoy the pleasures they experienced in life.
Iago: I'm sorry, Zazu, but I've hung around with enough pirates to know that skulls and skeletons are never a good thing. I think the new version of the ride should have a segment about Las Posadas instead. That's a celebration held during the nine days before Christmas, when Mexican children re-enact the journey of Mary and Joseph searching for room at the inn. Posada means "inn," and they are told "no posada" at each house until they come to one where they are offered shelter in the stable. This leads to festivities including the breaking of the piñata. It's all explained in "The Three Caballeros."
Zazu: Since the ride is slated to re-open just before Christmas, that would be a nice addition. And piñatas would be very festive indeed.
Iago: Ooooh, look, here's a Mexican resort. So this is where the beach bunnies will go.
Zazu: Yes, but you know what goes along with resorts and tourists....
Iago: Oh no. Merchants!!
Zazu: Yes, and aren't these fine examples! They've got the spiel down pat. Oh, Señorita, I'll trade you one used parrot for whatever it is you're selling. It doesn't really matter what it is. I'll take anything!
Iago: I hope she offers you a genuine pre-Columbian "poo" amulet, like the Troll got from Trader Sam on the Jungle Cruise. Or maybe she'll demonstrate her box cutters on you.
Zazu: Look, Iago! It's Mexico City. Isn't this glorious? Just look at those fireworks.
Iago: Hey, that reminds me of the end of "Three Caballeros." There are fireworks that spell out "Fin." I didn't really understand that part. Shouldn't "Fin" be at the end of "The Little Mermaid" instead?
Zazu: No, Huevos Revueltos-For-Brains. It means "end." As in "The End."
Ride Narrator: Hec e'lic keh-buy eh ... ka she'ic te'esh utsil.
Iago: What's that mean?
Zazu: I believe it means, "We will meet again ... May it go well for you."
Iago: Are you sure? I think it means: "Attention, K-Mart shoppers. Special on serapes in Aisle Six."
Zazu: You only think that because we're exiting directly into the plaza marketplace.
Iago: But look! There is a special on serapes in Aisle Six!
Zazu: Hmmm. You're right. Perhaps we'd better get out of here. Why don't we go get Donald, and the three of us can sing "The Three Caballeros" theme song. I'm sure it will be part of the new ride. You can be José, and I'll be Panchito.
Iago: I'm not sure I want to sing that song, Zazu.
Zazu: Why not?
Iago: Have you heard the lyrics? They say....
Zazu: Don't even go there, Iago. Look, here comes Donald! Let's sing!
We're three Caballeros, three gay caballeros,
They say we are birds of a feather.
We're happy amigos,
No matter where he goes,
The one, two and three goes,
We're always together.
We're three happy chappies,
With snappy serapes,
You'll find us beneath our sombreros.
We're brave and we'll say so,
We're bright as a Peso.
Who says so?
We say so!
The three Caballeros!
Oh... we have the stars to guide us.
Guitars here beside us,
To play as we go!
We sing and we samba,
We shout, "Ay caramba!"
What means "Ay caramba?"
Oh yes, I don't know.
Oh... to fair or stormy weather.
We stand close together,
Like books on a shelf.
And friends though we may be,
When some Latin baby,
Says yes, no or maybe,
Each man is for himself!
The music chosen to accompany this page is "No Time Left for You" by Joseph Roland Zanona.
Muchas Gracias to Alison and Charna at the Mexico Pavilion for all their help.