Iago: When the foyer is full of Democrats, it's a portrait. When the Republicans drop by, it's a dart board. Trust me.
Iago: I'm off to the Hall of Presidents for my afternoon nap, Zazu. See ya later!
Zazu: Iago, I am utterly ashamed of you!
Iago: What did I do now?
Zazu: You're demonstrating total disregard for an important holiday. One that means so much to us.
Iago: Oh. Gee, I'm sorry, Zazu. You want I should get you a box of chocolates, or would you prefer flowers?
Zazu: No, no, no. I'm not talking about Valentine's Day. Tomorrow is Presidents' Day!
Iago: No kidding! I can't believe I forgot about that. What would I do without you? Thank you so much for reminding me.
Zazu: You're very welcome.
Iago: OK, I'll see you after my nap. Bye!
Zazu: IAGO!!
Iago: What??!!
Zazu: You go to the Hall of Presidents every day for a nap, but have you ever actually listened to the narration or watched the presentation?
Iago: Gee, Zazu, um, that would kind of defeat the purpose, don'tcha think?
Zazu: Well, you're going to pay attention today. I'm going with you. I've recently learned quite a bit about the Hall of Presidents through an -- <looking around and whispering> -- undercover inside source.
Iago: I thought I was your undercover inside source. I'm in there every afternoon, examining the insides of my eyelids, and I do like to bring a blanket....
Zazu: Shhhhh! My source must be kept strictly confidential. He has government connections, and he could get in trouble for revealing the attraction's secrets.
Iago: Oooooh, spy stuff, huh?
Zazu: Precisely. And I must insist that we use code names while visiting the Hall of Presidents. So listen carefully. I'll be Woodbird, and you'll be Birdstein. Got that?
Iago: Right! You're Woodpecker, and I'm Birdseed.
Zazu: No, you idiot! Woodbird and Birdstein.
Iago: Oh. OK. And what do we call your inside source?
Zazu: <whispering> Peep Throat.
Iago: PEEP THROAT?! Is it a chick?!
Zazu: Shhhh! Be quiet! No, it is not a chick. That's all I can tell you at the moment. Now let's go.
Iago: Well, here we are in Liberty Square, Woody -- er, I mean Pecker -- uh, Woodbird.
Zazu: Before entering the attraction, I need to check the Liberty Tree. My source has a nest there, and when he wants to speak with me, he leaves a little red flag out. Then he meets me in the Utilidors beneath the Hall of Presidents.
Iago: I guess that rules out Jose Carioca, 'cause he lives in Brazil, and if he had a red flag out, there would be like a million young Brazilian girls standing underneath it, chanting "Bra-zil!" That wouldn't be very secretive.
Zazu: Hmmm, I don't see a red flag today. Just a pink flag with a Valentine heart on it.
Iago: Heh. Maybe he wants to meet you in the Utilidors for something else, Zaz -- I mean, Wood Pigeon.
Zazu: Bite me, Bird Stain. Er, Birdstein. Notice that the Hall of Presidents building has the date "1787" on it -- the year the Constitution was ratified. That was the document that created the office of President as we know it.
Iago: What about the numbers on the doors around the building? Hmm, they're all between 18 and 24 ... I got it! They're the ages of Presidential Interns, right?
Zazu: Will you get your mind out of the gutter! The numbers represent the years of the 18th century (1718 to 1724) that the designs of each door represent -- not addresses. In that period, fashions in door design changed as rapidly as women's fashions do now -- go figure!
Iago: Wow. You mean they had groovy doors with bells on the bottom, and wonder doors with big knockers, and Diane Von Furstenberg doors that had to be rapped on the side, and perfect little black doors that needed only a simple gold doorknob as an accessory?
Zazu: No, Cuckoo Chanel, that is not what I mean. I'm referring to architectural styles.
Iago: Did you get this information from your birdy source?
Zazu: As a matter of fact, I did.
Iago: Well, I was thinking it might be Donald, 'cause he's in the Navy, but it can't be him, because he has no sense of style whatsoever. I mean, he walks around with a shirt and no pants, and he lives in a leaky old boat. Besides, who could understand a word he says?
Zazu: I assure you, it is not Donald. Now let's step inside.
Iago: Brrrr! As usual, the air conditioning is the only thing I notice. And you didn't let me bring my blanket!
Iago: When the foyer is full of Democrats, it's a portrait. When the Republicans drop by, it's a dart board. Trust me.
Zazu: It's time for the show. Let's step inside the 700 seat theater.
Iago: Here's where I usually sit. Right in the back row.
Zazu: Not today. I want you to sit as close as possible to the stage, so you can fully appreciate the program. Our narrator for this program is Maya Angelou.
Iago: Isn't she one of those half nekkid dancers on El Rio del Tiempo?
Zazu: No she's not, you taco-brained traitor! Dr. Maya Angelou is a much celebrated American poet. She is not an ancient Mayan. She was born Marguerite Johnson in St. Louis on 4 April 1928. She's published ten best selling books, and has been nominated for both the Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award. She is also a historian, actress, playwright, civil-rights activist, director and producer. She wrote a poem and delivered it at President Clinton's first inauguration in 1993. Although she speaks French, Spanish, Italian and West African Fanti, we will not be hearing any Mayan greetings in this attraction. Is that quite clear?
Iago: Zzzzzz....
Zazu: Wake up! Did you hear anything I just said?
Iago: Huh? Yeah, of course I did. I definitely heard the words "Clinton" and "Johnson." I think I can figure out the rest, you sly old thing you.
Zazu: <sigh> Try to stay awake. The movie is starting. By the way, this is a 180 degree film presentation, in 70 mm, with digital surround sound. It focuses on the issue of slavery, and the concept of "We the people."
Iago: This flick actually isn't bad, Wood Rot. I never watched it before.
Zazu: The best part is yet to come ... Look. Every President of the United States is represented on stage, waiting for his name to be called.
Iago: Hey, there's George Washington! I recognize him from cashing my paycheck. I see him a lot. I don't know most of these other guys. Oh, wait. There's Lincoln and Jefferson and FDR. Or as I like to call them, Penny, Nickel, and Dime.
Zazu: Lincoln is also on the five dollar bill.
Iago: I didn't even know they made five dollar bills.
Zazu: Surely you've seen Andrew Jackson on the twenty, and Ulysses S. Grant on the fifty.
Iago: Just what kind of money are you making, Woodrow? I think I need to talk to my agent.
Zazu: Speaking of Woodrow, there's Woodrow Wilson. President from 1913 to 1921.
Iago: How many Presidents have there been?
Zazu: Forty-one men have served as President of the United States. Grover Cleveland was both our 22nd and 24th President, which confuses things a bit, so William Jefferson Clinton is actually the 42nd President.
Iago: And quite a few of these guys have connections to Disney attractions.
Zazu: Well, yes, some of them appear in The American Adventure at Epcot.
Maya Angelou: William Henry Harrison......
Iago: Oh, I heard of him. He was involved in that boating accident on the Rivers of America with the other President.
Zazu: What boating accident?
Iago: You know ... Tippy canoe....
Maya Angelou: John Tyler....
Iago: And Tyler, too.
Zazu: Your grasp of historical facts is ... unique, to say the least. The very least. This attraction is a direct descendant of "Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln," which premiered at the New York World's Fair in 1964, and was moved to Main Street in Disneyland in 1965. A reprogrammed Mr. Lincoln, which debuted in 1984, can still be seen there today. Blaine Gibson was the sculptor who created the bust of Lincoln for the original attraction, and he and other sculptors spent two years creating the original 36 figures for the Hall of Presidents. The designers had to rely on such clues as painted portraits, historic diaries and journals, and old photographs and films for the creation of many of the figures. After the attraction opened, on 1 October 1971, new busts were sculpted as each new President took office and was added to the presentation. Then the busts were sent to wig makers in Guatemala, along with photos and notes, and authentic-looking wigs were created.
Iago: Did your inside source tell you that?
Zazu: Yes.
Iago: That means it can't be Scuttle. He thinks people comb their hair with forks. I doubt he would know anything about wigs.
Zazu: You'll never figure it out. Stop trying. Take a look at the Presidents' clothing. The costumes of the Presidents are not just recreations of period styles; they use period fabrics -- some woven or dyed specially for this show -- and they also are stitched with period stitches.
Iago: Stitches? This narration isn't anywhere near funny enough to keep me in stitches.
Zazu: Shut your beak before I give you some stitches! <ahem> Some recent Presidents have actual clothing worn by the President during his time in office. President Clinton donated a watch, and Mrs. Carter comes in occasionally to change Jimmy's suit as she feels the styles to be changing.
Iago: I think it would be cool if he wore one of those white John Travolta disco suits.
Zazu: Please, you've done enough damage in the Tiki Room. At least allow Mr. Carter a little dignity. For the record, President Clinton wears a navy blue European cut suit and a red and white polka-dot tie.
Iago: <snort!> I wonder if the tie was a gift from Minnie.
Zazu: I certainly hope not!
Maya Angelou: Warren G. Harding....
Iago: Oh, he's the one who was involved in that Teapot dome scandal.
Zazu: Very good!
Iago: Yeah, I think it had something to do with that drunken mouse popping out of the teapot being un-Disneylike.
Zazu: <sigh> Actually, it was something to do with oil and a Fall.
Iago: Wow. I wonder if there was a lawsuit against Disney for that.
Maya Angelou: Harry S Truman....
Iago: Oh, he's the guy who wouldn't ride Dumbo at Disneyland because the elephant is a Republican symbol.
Zazu: Good heavens! You got one right.
Iago: So, are these guys designed in 5/8 Disney scale, or are they lifesize?
Zazu: All but two Presidents are actual size. President Taft, who once got stuck in a bathtub and needed Secret Service agents to rescue him, is shown a fraction of his real diameter. President Clinton's figure is a few inches taller than real so he doesn't look so shrimpy next to President Lincoln -- think of it as forced perspective.
Iago: Gee, I sure hope he doesn't get in trouble for trying to fool the American people.
Zazu: Hmmmm. Notice how close he is to President Nixon? That can't be a good sign.
Clinton Animatronic: There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America. There is nothing wrong with the world that cannot be cured by the ideals that America represents. Those principles have no borders....
Zazu: Well, at least his voice is real. He recorded this speech at the White House in 1993. He is the first living President to have a speaking role in the attraction. The speech was also videotaped, so the Imagineers could program his figure to move exactly as Mr. Clinton did while speaking.
Iago: What would have happened if he had been -- uh, suddenly removed from office?
Zazu: According to my source, Imagineering had already prepared a contingency plan. Disney writers edited some of Vice-President Gore's remarks into a short, stirring speech, and a voice artist had already recorded it.
Iago: What about the animatronic figure?
Zazu: That was the easy part. The animatronics experts had already loosened the bolts holding the Cigar Store Indian to his base on Main Street.
Iago: Sheesh! And I thought you were wooden.
Zazu: Back to the show. Honest Abe gets his turn to speak now.
Lincoln Animatronic: My fellow countrymen: I have often inquired of myself what great principle or idea it was that kept this confederacy so long together. It was, that all should have an equal chance, that "all are created equal." This is the sentiment embodied in the Declaration of Independence....
Iago: Who does the voice of Lincoln?
Zazu: That would be Royal Dano. Lincoln's remarks are drawn from a variety of speeches he actually gave.
Lincoln Animatronic: Yes, my friend, that's what I think. If you have listened to suggestions to believe that all men are not created equal, let me entreat you to come back. If the Declaration of Independence is not the truth, let us get the statute book in which we find it and tear it out....
Iago: Well, Wood Knot, that was really very nice. I feel like waving a flag. Do you think anyone would notice if I took one of these flags off the front of the building?
Zazu: I wouldn't try it. The residents of Liberty Square have eagle eyes. They certainly don't need glasses. Their vision is uncanny.
Iago: Eagle eyes?? Glasses ... vision ... wait a minute ... are there any eagles around here?
Zazu: Er, yes, that nice shiny gold eagle on the sign right there. Let's go. Time to head back to the Tiki Room.
Iago: I know who Peep Throat is! It's Sam the Eagle from Muppet*Vision 3D! It figures he lives in the Liberty Tree. That's right, isn't it? Hey, Zaz -- I mean, Wood Nerd, where are you going? Come back! Uh, who are these guys with the sunglasses and the dark suits? Hey! Let go of me! I'm not the stool pigeon! It's the eagle! The eagle!
Secret Service Man: <into hidden microphone> We've got him, sir ... that's right ... the bird is the word.
The music chosen to accompany this page is "Ain't Misbehavin'" by Harry Brooks, Andy Razaf, and Thomas Waller.