20 December 1998
Zazu: Well Iago, it's almost December 25th. You know what that means.
Iago: Yeah. Presents!
Zazu: Besides presents.
Iago: What else matters?
Zazu: <sigh> I'm talking about something else. Did you ever hear the story about the boat....
Iago: Ooooh! Ooooh! Yeah, I know that one. That Kate Winslet chick was in it. And that Leo what's-his-name. That would make a great stocking stuffer! Thanks, Zazu.
Zazu: Er, no. Not that boat. Although the one I'm talking about also dumped people in the water.
Iago: Oh ... so I guess you won't be getting me a VCR to play that video then.
Zazu: No!
Iago: You're not getting me another pair of dorky pajamas, are you?
Zazu: If you don't shut up, Santa won't be stopping by your treehouse at all. Have you ever heard of Bertha Mae and the Gullywhumper?
Iago: Oh no! I've got enough problems with that Miss Parrotinsky. Now this Bertha Mae is pressing charges, too? Listen, the bartender at the Wild Horse Saloon didn't warn me about the side effects of that Gullywhumper drink....
Zazu: No, no! You're supposed to fight with Davy Crockett, fall over the SIDE of the Gullywhumper, and into the DRINK!
Iago: Fall into the drink!? Zazu, the glass wasn't that big. But that fight thing may have happened. I didn't stop to ask the guy's name, though. Might've been Davy. I think he was a friend of Bertha Mae's.
Zazu: Iago, the Gullywhumper isn't a drink. It's a keel boat.
Iago: A keel boat?? Well, I did keel over and wind up in some water, but that was in the men's room.
Zazu: And Bertha Mae is no lady.
Iago: Boy, that's for sure!
Zazu: That's not what I mean. Bertha Mae and Gullywhumper are both keel boats. 25 December is the 43rd anniversary of the Mike Fink keel boats. They opened on Disneyland's first Christmas, in 1955.
Iago: Oh. I've never ridden on them. What exactly is a keel boat?
Zazu: A keel boat is a shallow, decked freight boat having a keel but no sails, usually propelled by poles or by the current, and used on rivers in the Western United States.
Iago: Great ... so what the heck is a keel?
Zazu: Let's give you some practice using the dictionary, shall we? Here, read this.
Iago: Keel: the main stuctural member of a vessel, running fore and aft along the bottom, to which all the crosswise members are solidly fixed; the backbone of a ship.
Zazu: Very nice. Do you understand now?
Iago: Sort of. I have another question, though.
Zazu: Yes?
Iago: Who the heck is Mike Fink?
Zazu: Mike Fink was the legendary "King of the River." He lived from 1770 to 1823. He was an Indian scout at Fort Pitt, a Mississippi keel boatman, and then a trapper in the Rockies.
Iago: Couldn't hold down a job, huh?
Zazu: Hmmm. Perhaps it had something to do with his personality. He liked to boast and he knew how to tell a tall tale. Reminds me of someone I know.
Iago: Who?
Zazu: Nobody important. Anyway, the story goes that one of Davy Crockett's crew challenged Mike Fink to a race for the title of "King of the River." You do know who Davy Crockett is, don't you?
Iago: The guy with the really bad hairpiece?
Zazu: That's a coonskin cap, you idiot, not a hairpiece!
Iago: D'oh! I drew his name in the Disney character Secret Santa Grab Bag thingy. I bought him a scrunchy for that ponytail.
Zazu: What were you thinking? Davy Crockett is "King of the Wild Frontier."
Iago: <hopefully> It's a brown scrunchy.
Zazu: I strongly suggest you exchange it. Davy killed him a b'ar when he was only three, you know. And last I heard, Meeko was Davy's Secret Santa last year. Davy apparently didn't care for his gift either. <ahem> Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes. So they raced down the river to New Orleans. Even though he was ahead most of the time, Mike played several dirty tricks on Davy. The worst and last was when he changed one of the river markers to send Davy down the wrong bayou. Davy, with typical Disney luck, found a new shortcut through that bayou, and beat Mike Fink after all. Mike claimed it wasn't a fair race because Davy didn't stay in the river, so Davy agreed to let him keep the title if Mike Fink agreed to eat his hat. Mike was so eager to keep his title that he didn't even put salt on it!
Iago: Well, I never put salt on my foot either, and that's always in my mouth. Salt just reminds me of the time the Sultan stuffed those Saltines in my mouth.
Zazu: Speaking of stuffing things in your mouth, can you put a sock in it, please? If I may continue ... the original boats at Disneyland were the actual boats used in filming "Davy Crockett's Keelboat Race." The original boats had only two sections on the main deck, and as they were built as movie props, they only lasted about a year. The new boats have three sections on the main deck, and a fiberglass hull. Unlike real keel boats, which were floated downriver, unloaded, disassembled, and sold as lumber, Disney's keel boats are powered. They still only go "downstream", but unlike the riverboats, they are not on a track.
Iago: Zazu, I don't remember seeing the keel boats when we were at Disneyland earlier this year.
Zazu: Ah, that's where our boating accident comes in. On 17 May 1997, the Gullywhumper at Disneyland capsized while cruising the Rivers of America, sending its passengers into the water. It was certainly no Titanic, but several folks were injured.
Iago: It hit an iceberg, didn't it?
Zazu: Highly unlikely in Southern California, Iago. Perhaps a rock-hard Mickey ice cream bar, but certainly not an iceberg. But that was the last day that either keel boat was operated at Disneyland. Prior to this incident, they had been closed from the end of Summer 1994, until 30 March 1996.
Iago: What's the latest scoop on our keel boats here in Florida?
Zazu: Recently, the former canoe dock at the Magic Kingdom was rebuilt to become the new keel boat dock so the keel boats could harbor in Frontierland instead of Liberty Square, where they really didn't quite fit in.
Iago: I know all about not quite fitting in.
Zazu: No doubt. Now, if only we could find a new place to dock the canoes. By the way, in Disneyland Paris the "River Rogue Keelboats" [sic] opened with that park. They have three boats.
Iago: <singing> I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas day, on Christmas day....
Zazu: <wincing> Must you?
Iago: Just trying to add some entertainment to the discussion, It was either that one or "Michael, row the boat ashore." Get it? Mike Fink! <snort>
Zazu: Are you finished?
Iago: Yes.
Zazu: Alleluiah!
Iago: Well, what's a cruise without entertainment?
Zazu: As a matter of fact, there is entertainment. The boat pilots' spiel is one that tells a short story the long way, with much colorful language and many interruptions to point out passing sights.
Iago: That sounds just like our conversations.
Zazu: Indeed. Especially the part about the interruptions.
Iago: OK, now that we know something about keel boats, maybe we can swap gifts for that Secret Santa thing. I got the scrunchy on sale, and I can't take it back.
Zazu: I don't think that would be a good idea.
Iago: Why not? Who did you pick, anyway?
Zazu: Perdita.
Iago: Well, maybe she could use the scrunchy as a collar.
Zazu: Possibly, but I don't think Davy would appreciate the gift I got for her.
Iago: It can't be any worse than a scrunchy!
Zazu: I'm afraid it is. It's a P.E.T.A. membership.
Iago: What's that?
Zazu: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
The music selected to accompany this page is "Take the Long Way Home" by Charles Hodgson, Roger Pomfret, and Richard Davies.
Our special thanks to Patrick Lim for the nice keel boat photograph at the top of this page.