Attraction of the Week
Universe of Energy
or, Iago & Zazu's Excellent Energy Adventure
Music for Time Travel:25 October 1999:
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Attraction of the WeekUniverse of Energyor, Iago & Zazu's Excellent Energy AdventureMusic for Time Travel:25 October 1999: |
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Zazu: Iago, I have important news. It's JEOPARDY for me! Crack open the bubbly.
Iago: Oh no! Aunt Polly's headed this way? That's a good idea, hitting her over the head with a broken bottle. Give me the key to your liquor cabinet.
Zazu: No, no, I'm not in jeopardy. What I meant to say is that I'll be on "Jeopardy." The television program. I just received my notice in the mail.
Iago: Yeah, yeah, that's nice. Now, getting back to your liquor cabinet key....
Zazu: Don't be absurd. This is the Magic Kingdom. I don't have any alcohol. And I certainly wouldn't give you the key to any valuable property.
Iago: But you said I should crack open the bubbly.
Zazu: Yes. Soda pop. I saw you in your Speedo just before I went grocery shopping, and your case of "orange crush" inspired me to buy my own. Unfortunately, it also inspired the expression "crack open."
Iago: Well, speaking of "crack open," you better crack open some books and start studying. I can't believe that Mr. Tree-beak will finally get to meet Mr. Trebek.
Zazu: Yes, I'm a bit nervous about that. But rather than reading a book, I thought we might venture over to the Universe of Energy so I can watch "Jeopardy."
Iago: Zazu, I think you have the Universe of Energy confused with that home theater set-up over at Innoventions. And trust me, the guys watching the World Series aren't gonna play nice if you change the channel to a geeky game show.
Zazu: I am not talking about home theater. Haven't you been to the Universe of Energy since the attraction became Ellen's Energy Adventure?
Iago: No. Are you telling me they put an adult film in there? So who's this Ellen, and just how energetic and adventurous is she, anyway?
Zazu: Let's just say that she wouldn't waste her energy on you. Now let's go. And here, I've made a list of potential "Jeopardy" categories about energy, complete with answers. My job will be to ask the appropriate questions.
Iago: What???
Zazu: What is the unit of electrical power equivalent to one volt-ampere?
Iago: Huh?
Zazu: I'm sorry, I thought you said "watt."
Iago: I did say "what."
Zazu: Who is the Scottish inventor who improved the design of the steam engine and had a unit of electrical power named after him?
Iago: I don't know. Who?
Zazu: Iago, this isn't an Abbott & Costello routine. Come along. I'll explain things on the way there.
Zazu: Ah, here we are. The Universe of Energy, sponsored by Exxon. The pavilion opened the same day as Epcot, on 1 October 1982. At the time, it was the largest privately funded solar-power installation in the world. The original show was simply called "The Universe of Energy." The revised show opened 15 September 1996 as "Ellen's Energy Crisis," but was soon changed to "Ellen's Energy Adventure." Note the roof of the attraction building. It is composed of 2,200 modules, each containing 36 individual silicon solar cells, which together generate 77 kilowatts of energy on a sunny day. Although this impressive 2-acre photovoltaic display provides enough electricity to power 6 homes, it only supplies 15% of the power required to operate the pavilion and show.
Iago: That's probably because my electrical hook-up is using up the other 85%.
Zazu: Iago, I'm shocked!
Iago: Why? I told you my electrical hook-up was a teensy bit illegal.
Zazu: No, I'm shocked that you were able to do the math and come up with that correct response of 85%. And speaking of correct responses, it's time we practiced "Jeopardy." I'll take "Animals & Energy" for $100.
Iago: Okay. The answer is … "Save the Tiger."
Zazu: What is the fund established by Exxon and the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation to protect tigers from extinction?
Iago: No, I'm sorry. The correct response is, "What does Iago have to do every time Rajah comes for a visit to the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse?"
Zazu: Don't be ridiculous! The category is "Animals & Energy."
Iago: Exactly. Do you know how much energy it takes for a parrot to pull a 500 pound tiger out of a pit?
Zazu: <sigh> Let's go inside and watch the preshow.
Iago: Okay. I remember there was a cool screen with lots of moving parts.
Zazu: Alas, the 8-minute "kinetic mosaic," written by Czech filmmaker Emile Radok, is no more. The "screen" was 14 feet high and 90 feet long, and consisted of 100 solid triangular elements with two white sides and a black side. The computer system rotated them each individually in sync with the five projectors to produce a show the likes of which hasn't been seen before or since. According to the late Steve Birnbaum, it was originally planned to rotate the screen to face the first theater, and have Bill Nye narrate the new show on the same kinetic screen. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
Iago: So now Disney is showing reruns of old ABC sitcoms?
Zazu: Er, not quite. But that is Ellen DeGeneres up there. And look, it's Bill Nye the Science Guy playing her neighbor.
Iago: Who cares about him? There's Jamie Lee Curtis on the TV!
Zazu: Yes, she plays Ellen's brilliant former college roommate, Dr. Judy Peterson, who is running away with the "Jeopardy" game.
Iago: Wish she'd run away with me instead.
Zazu: Now Ellen has dozed off and is dreaming about playing against Judy on "Jeopardy."
Iago: Believe me, I'll be dreaming about playing against Judy tonight, too. But that old guy won't be there. Who is he, anyway?
Zazu: That's Albert Einstein, you dim bulb! I think it's time for another "Jeopardy" category. I'll take "Energy to Burn" for $200.
Iago: Okay. The answer is … "Crude oil."
Zazu: What is unrefined petroleum and hydrocarbons?
Iago: Nope. You were close, though. The correct response is "What service does an unrefined parrot offer to every bikini-clad babe at Typhoon Lagoon?" Unfortunately, when I try to oil them, they always say--
Ellen: Freeze!
Iago: How did she know that?
Zazu: She's not talking to you. She's freezing her dream, because every "Jeopardy" category is about energy, and she wants Bill Nye to explain things to her so she can beat Judy and Dr. Einstein. Now let's enter the theater and see what Bill has to say about energy.
Iago: Well, this theater looks about the same as it always did.
Zazu: Yes, but it still surprises first-time visitors when the theater seats rotate 180° to start the show, then 90° back to direct the cars into the jungle. It's all done with compressed air, as the table is made to float in order to reduce friction. That's why we went up that small ramp as we entered the theater.
Iago: Speaking of compressed air, I probably shouldn't have had that six-pack of Orange Crush before we left the Tiki Room. <Burp!>
Zazu: There's a six-pack in here as well. The theater contains six vehicles, each seating a maximum of 96 guests, for a show capacity of 576, and the attraction has two sets of vehicles for a total of 12. Each car weighs 30,000 lbs. when fully loaded, and is guided by a wire only 1/8 of an inch thick. That guide wire is buried in the concrete, and is sensed by magnets on the vehicles. The technology is exactly the same as that used in the Great Movie Ride.
Iago: Makes sense, since we're seeing another movie.
Zazu: <whispering> Yes, this film is quite awe-inspiring. Prepare yourself, Iago. We are about to experience the explosive birth of the universe.
<BOOOOOOOOM!>
Zazu: <hushed> That was the Big Bang.
Iago: It sure was.
Zazu: And now -- <sniff> What is that smell?
Iago: Uh … I had an explosive Big Bang of my own. But what great timing! No one will ever know.
Zazu: <gag> That's what you think. <gasp>
Iago: Oh, stop complaining. At least you're not stuck in a jungle full of dinosaurs like Ellen and Bill in this movie.
Zazu: We will be in just a moment. … Ah, here we go, off to face such extinct species as the sabalites, the araucari-oxylons, and the bjuvia.
Iago: Those sound like pretty scary dinos.
Zazu: Those are the plants. <sniff> And I detect the unmistakable scent of the primeval diorama....
Iago: It isn't me, I swear! I haven't had a taco all week.
Zazu: No, thank goodness. It's a sulfur-based compound that Disney calls "Eau de Swamp." And just look at these magnificent creatures!
Iago: Hey, there's Dinosaur Gertie! Can we stop for ice cream?
Zazu: No, I'm afraid that's just Gertie's relative, an apatosaurus. I doubt there's ice cream in his belly. Just a lot of salad greens.
Iago: Ick. A health food stand.
Zazu: Notice the incredible backdrop in this scene. It's 32 feet high and 515 feet long, and took three artists almost 6,000 hours to create. Not quite as long as it took for these dinosaurs to turn into fuel, but still an impressive amount of time. And as long as we're on the subject of dinosaurs turning into fuel, let's try another "Jeopardy" session. I'll take "Traditional Forms of Energy" for $400, please.
Iago: All right. The answer is … "Fossilization."
Zazu: What is the process by which an organic substance is transformed into a fossil?
Iago: Wrong again! The correct response is "What is lively Norwegian folk music?"
Zazu: That's Fossekallen, you idiot! You're looking at your Epcot guidemap!
Iago: Oh. Then I suppose The Pipes of Nova Scotia have nothing to do with oil?
Zazu: If only I had nothing to do with you! Now put down that guidemap and look at these animatronics. Over there is an allosaurus battling a stegosaurus.
Iago: The allosaurus will never win. Look at those puny arms! He's got no reach at all.
Zazu: One doesn't need a long reach when one has a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.
Iago: Yeah, that's Mike Tyson's motto. <snort!>
Zazu: And here's another battle going on, between an elasmosaurus and a DeGeneresaurus.
Iago: Yikes, that DeGeneresaurus is one ugly critter.
Zazu: Yes, one would think that, at a cost of two million dollars, Disney could have made this animatronic Ellen look better. She's a Mark III model, like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Great Movie Ride, and our own Uh-oa in the Enchanted Tiki Room. Last time I checked, Ellen was the most advanced figure in any of the Disney parks.
Iago: I thought Jessica Rabbit was the most advanced figure in the Disney parks. Who could tell what Ellen's figure looks like under those baggy clothes? She should get together with Jessica.
Zazu: I'm not sure Roger would approve. Then again --
Iago: Hey, it looks like the ride is ending. That didn't seem too long.
Zazu: You're forgetting, there's another movie still to come.
Iago: Oh no! That boring Exxon infomercial? I remember that. The only nice part was those scenic shots of Prince William Sound and Port Valdez. Do they still show those?
Zazu: Er, no. They considered updating the film with shots of oiled-up birds, but then they got a glimpse of you in that Speedo and decided it wasn't a good idea. Instead, Ellen will learn a few more tidbits about alternative energy sources, and then she'll have the opportunity to play Double Jeopardy and show off her newfound knowledge. This film is shown on three enormous screens that curve to create a range of vision 200 feet wide. Now let's try some more "Jeopardy." I'll take "Molecular Mysteries" for $600.
Iago: And the answer is … "Nuclear fission."
Zazu: What is the disintegration of the nucleus of a heavy atom, leading to the formation of nuclei of more stable atoms and the release of energy?
Iago: Nope, you struck out again. The correct response is, "What do you call it when you try to catch trout off Three Mile Island?"
Zazu: Blast! I'll try "Molecular Mysteries" for $800.
Iago: The answer is … "Cold fusion."
Zazu: What is the energy-producing phenomenon that occurs when ordinary hydrogen and deuterium are brought together with metals?
Iago: I have no idea what you just said, but it's wrong. The correct response is "What is the pain-producing phenomenon that occurs when Iago steps out of the jacuzzi in January, and puts on his brass loincloth while still soaking wet?"
Zazu: Enough of your nonsense! Thanks to you, we've missed almost the entire film. Be quiet now. Alex is giving the Final Jeopardy answer.
Alex: And the answer is … "The one energy source that will never be depleted."
<Jeopardy music plays>
Announcer: The winner of today's show gets a lifetime supply of energy. Energy, it makes the world go round.
Iago: What, no Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat?
Zazu: Actually, that was a clever reference to one of the songs in the original attraction. The two songs heard were "The Universe of Energy" and "Energy, You Make the World Go 'Round."
Iago: Never mind that song-and-dance, Mr. Smarty-Beak. I don't think you know the answer to Final Jeopardy. Come on. "The one energy source that will never be depleted."
Ellen: What is brain power?
Zazu: Don't be ridiculous, Ellen. The correct response is "What is Iago's supply of natural gas?"
Iago: Finally, you got one right! <Blatt!>
The music selected to accompany this page is "Classical Gas" by Mason Williams.