Iago: Gee, Zazu, you look terrible this morning. Did your amphibious overnight guest keep you up by snoring all night? Or should I say croaking all night?
Zazu: I wish it were that simple. Apparently, Mr. Toad has no breathing difficulties, but he has a problem with sleepwalking. Unfortunately, he walked all the way over to the Tomorrowland Speedway in the wee hours of the morning, and took one of the cars for a joy ride.
Iago: Oops! Well, how much harm could he have done? Those cars are on a track.
Zazu: Iago, this is Toady we're talking about.
Iago: Oh yeah. So I guess he somehow got the car off the track.
Zazu: In a manner of speaking, yes. The car jumped the Speedway track, and travelled all over the park before finally coming to rest on a track once more, when Mr. Toad dozed off in earnest just as he ran out of gas.
Iago: So he got the car back on track then. No harm done.
Zazu: Yes, well unfortunately, it was the Walt Disney World Railroad track!! Luckily, they were able to stop the first train this morning within inches of sending Toady to Hell for real.
Mr. Toad: <yawn> Why, good morning, Iago! Has Zazu been telling you about my little adventure? Sleepdriving, you know, old chap. Happens to me all the time out in Southern California now. I think it has something to do with the smog. Sometimes I wake up on the freeway, and I see thousands of other motorists all sleepdriving around me.
Iago: So you don't like living in California full time now?
Mr. Toad: On the contrary, I think it's marvelous! Well, except for the stringent anti-pollution laws, and the high price of petrol. But there are thousands of tourists willing to pay for a tour of the original Toad Hall, so I have no problem paying the dealer for my weekly supply of motor cars.
Iago: Then you don't mind that Pooh Bear has torn down Toad Hall East?
Mr. Toad: Well, I admit, I was a bit choked up when you and Zazu first told me about it, but one must keep one's chin up, eh? So why don't we all go to Fantasyland and you can show me what that Silly Old Bear has done with the place.
Iago: Sounds like a plan to me. How 'bout it, Zazu?
Zazu: Oh, goodie. I get to sit in a pot again. Why, it's almost as much fun as the birdie boiler.
Iago: Well, Toady, we start off here in Hunny Pot Dispatch. This is where we'll board our special hunny pot vehicle.
Mr. Toad: Oh, how delightful! I was afraid it might be just a walking tour of the Hundred Acre Wood. But we actually get to drive!
Zazu: Don't get your hopes up, Toad. These pots don't have steering wheels.
Mr. Toad: Steering wheels?? My dear boy, when has J. Thaddeus Toad ever needed a steering wheel?
Zazu: Good point.
Iago: You sit up front with me, Toady. Zazu can sit in the rumble seat.
Mr. Toad: Don't you mean the bumble seat? Where do you think all this lovely honey came from, Iago?
Zazu: Good heavens! Which Imagineer had the bright idea to use real honey in these things?
Cast Member: This is a special prototype vehicle. It's your lucky day! Enjoy the ride.
Iago: Our first scene will be the Blustery Day. Look at poor Rabbit trying to keep his vegetables from blowing away.
Zazu: I have a simple solution for him. Spread some of this blasted honey on them, and they won't go anywhere. This is worse than your Aunt Polly's plastic slipcovers in July, Iago.
Iago: Those aren't slipcovers, Zazu. That's Saran Wrap. See, Aunt Polly invites unsuspecting chickens over, and when they sit on the couch, she --
Zazu: Please! Say no more. I knew I was right to be suspicious when I saw that sleeping bag she gave me for Christmas was made by Zip-Lock. "Come to Tom Sawyer Island for a campout anytime," she wrote on the card. <shudder>
Iago: This next scene is Owl's House, which is almost as messy as my treehouse apartment. See, Zazu? I'm not the only bad housekeeper around here.
Zazu: This house is a mess because Owl's tree is being uprooted by the wind, you twit! What's your excuse?
Mr. Toad: Why, there's a portrait of ME!! Oh, I would like to get a bit closer to take a look at that. What is that thing that I'm handing over to Owl in the picture?
Iago & Zazu: <nervously> Ummmmm .....
Mr. Toad: I say, perhaps if we all stand up and lean to one side of the hunny pot, we can direct it where we want to go. Let's try.
Zazu: No, no, Toady! The pot is on a track. Please sit down before you cause an accident.
Mr. Toad: Oh, but I think it's working, Zazu. We're bouncing!
Zazu: The bouncing is a special feature of these ride vehicles, Toad. You had nothing to do with it.
Iago: And the reason we're bouncing is because now we're passing Tigger. Look, he's popping up all over the place.
Mr. Toad: Oh yes, this bouncing is jolly good fun. You know, I visited Islands of Adventure yesterday, and I rode a splendid attraction called The Cat In The Hat. How delightful! By any chance, do these hunny pots spi--
Iago & Zazu: NO!!!!
Mr. Toad: Good gracious, I was just asking. No need to be rude about it. I'll visit Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin when I get back home. Now there's a wild ride! I don't care much for those weasels, though.
Iago: Look, we can see inside Pooh's house now. Well, what do you know? Pooh floats.
Zazu: <ahem!> Yes, Pooh floats in the air courtesy of Pepper's Ghost.
Iago: You mean that special effect they use in the ballroom at the Haunted Mansion?
Zazu: Precisely. And here we see Pooh dreaming of Heffalumps and Woozles.
Mr. Toad: Did someone say weasels?
Iago: Naw, I don't think there are any lawers on this attraction.
Zazu: Er, say, look at these two heffalumps shaped like watering cans. They're going to make "the rain, rain, rain come down, down, down," creating the Floody Place.
Mr. Toad: My word, Ratty would love this part! It feels like we're floating along. This hunny pot is quite remarkable. Are you sure it doesn't spi--
Iago & Zazu: NO!!!!
Mr. Toad: Well! I was only asking.
Iago: Look, all the characters are trying to rescue poor Piglet before he goes over the falls!
Mr. Toad: <standing up and leaning> Fear not, young Piglet! J. Thaddeus Toad to the rescue!
Zazu: Stop it! Stop it! Sit down! You're making the hunny pot wobble. No need to worry about Piglet. Pooh will save the day.
Mr. Toad: Oh, but I do think we can steer this hunny pot if we try, Zazu. There is something so familiar about this vehicle. Why, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that this hunny pot was built on a chassis from one of my --
Iago: Look! It's a party in Pooh's honor. But where's Pooh?
Zazu: He's up in that tree, enjoying a smackerel of something sweet.
Mr. Toad: Oh, I do so enjoy a good celebration. Let's stop here and crash the party, shall we? <standing up and trying to get out>
Zazu: No, Toad! Don't do that! We're tipping over! Iago, stop him!
<CRASH!! BANG!! OOZE>
Zazu: Now look what you've done! We're all covered in honey, and the pot is broken.
Iago: Hey Zazu, am I dreaming, or is that my Aunt Polly standing over by the gift shop?
Aunt Polly: I told you people, I don't wanna buy any plush! I got a tip from some bear that I could pick up a double order of honey-dipped wings with a side of frog's legs at this joint. Now where's my lunch?
Iago: Hey Zazu! Zazu! Wake up! You're having a bad dream.
Zazu: <tossing and turning> Huh? What?
Iago: Boy, you must've had some doozy of a nightmare.
Zazu: Oh, Iago, it was horrible! Horrible! I dreamt that Mr. Toad came back, and --
Iago: Okay, okay, calm down. Tell me about it later. Here, I made you a nice cup of tea, with extra honey.
Zazu: Aaaaaagh!!!!
The music selected to accompany this page is "The House at Pooh Corner" by Kenny Loggins.