16 January 1999
Iago: Zazu, I'm bored. Whaddya say we fly over to Tomorrowland on our break and ride Space Mountain?
Zazu: I'm afraid we can't. It's closed.
Iago: WHAT!!?? They closed Space Mountain? Oh no. This is too much. Mr. Toad, Journey Into Imagination, Horizons, the Main Street Cinema, the Submarines... They're trying to tell us something, Zazu. Those Disney suits will be dropping by the Tiki Room with a "Condemned" sign any day now.
Zazu: Calm yourself, Iago. It's only closed temporarily for rehab. It will reopen next month.
Iago: Oh. Phew! You really had me worried there.
Zazu: Don't relax just yet. I've seen your penthouse nest in the Swiss Family Treehouse. The "Condemned" sign is probably being prepared even as we speak.
Iago: Yeah, yeah, I'll clean my room later, ma. Right now I feel like riding Space Mountain. Stupid rehab!
Zazu: Rehabs are a fact of Disney life, Iago. And a very good thing, too. But we can see Space Mountain, if that will make you feel any better. Let's go ride the Tomorrowland Transit Authority and take a peek inside, while I give you a few details about the attraction.
Iago: Oh no! Not the details! Please not the details. Anything but the details.
Zazu: But that's the best part. <evil grin>
Zazu: There it is, Iago. Space Mountain. A most impressive sight. This one in the Magic Kingdom is the original version, opened on 15 January 1975. The building reaches a height of 183 feet, with a diameter of 300 feet, providing 72,000 square feet of floor space and 4.5 million cubic feet of volume. This attraction is one of the few actually located outside the tracks of the Walt Disney World Railroad. Guests pass under the tracks in a pair of tunnels. Inside are two almost identical tracks, with inline seating. The left track, named "Alpha," is 3196 feet long, ten feet longer than the right-hand "Omega" track. The tubular steel track components are pressurized to 100 pounds per square inch as a safety measure -- any cracks would show up as air leaks. The ride lasts approximately 2 minutes and 38 seconds.
Iago: Gee, you sure know a lot about this attraction, Zazu. Just how many times have you ridden it?
Zazu: <cough> Er, I've never ridden it.
Iago: What do you mean, you've never ridden it?! I thought you were interested in all that outer space stuff. You even wanted to choose the Space ending on Horizons last week.
Zazu: Yes, well, I know the limits of that Omnimover attraction. That was merely a virtual space journey, simulated on a screen. I have no intention of actually hurtling through outer space at light speed. If John Glenn is foolish enough to do it again, fine for him, but this hornbill will not be leaving the atmosphere. The PeopleMover -- er, TTA -- is quite close enough, thank you very much.
Iago: Yeah, I guess Space Mountain goes pretty fast. It sure feels like light speed. Just how fast does it go, anyway?
Zazu: Er, let's say about 500 inches per second.
Iago: Oh, wow! I can understand why you -- wait a minute, how fast is that in miles per hour?
Zazu: <silence>
Iago: Come on Zazu, what's the top speed on that baby? ... Zazu?
Zazu: It works out to about twenty eight miles per hour.
Iago: 28 MILES PER HOUR!!?? You wimp! I've seen you fly faster than that when your library books are due.
Zazu: If you'll notice, I never fly at that speed in the dark. The darkness makes Space Mountain seem much faster than it actually is.
Iago: Oh, pleeeeeze! Cluck ... cluck ... cluck ... I think Aunt Polly's gonna fry you up when she finds out about this.
Zazu: Yes, well, she's not going to find out, is she? Because if she finds out about this, then she's sure to find out about that little "accident" she narrowly avoided involving the bucket of whitewash marked "Ice Cold Milk."
Iago: Hey, I had nothing to do with that! Besides, it's not my fault if her vision and her sense of smell aren't what they used to be.
Zazu: And I suppose it was just a coincidence that you brought her twelve boxes of chocolate chip cookies that day, and the whitewash mysteriously found its way into her refrigerator.
Iago: Um ... speaking of chocolate chip cookies, I was reading my trusty old Birnbaum guide, and it says that those flying asteroids are images of chocolate chip cookies.
Zazu: Considering that Steve Birnbaum passed away several years ago, the only information I would trust from him would involve the Haunted Mansion. I have it from an Imagineering source that they are actually photos of loofah pads.
Iago: Ick. They just don't taste very good with whitewash -- I mean, milk.
Zazu: Indeed. Which is probably why the cookie theory has had such staying power. There are also many firsts for this attraction: first entirely indoor steel roller coaster, first dark roller coaster, first computer-controlled coaster. As a side note, the Matterhorn was the first steel coaster and first multi-car coaster, but it is not computer-controlled.
Iago: Speaking of firsts, who was the first one to ride it?
Zazu: The first riders here in the Magic Kingdom were astronauts Jim Irwin, Gordon Cooper, and Scott Carpenter. And how about this for a little more astronaut trivia: the two upside-down spacesuited figures seen from the TTA and the lift ramps are nicknamed "Neil" and "Buzz."
Iago: See, there you go with more space-related information! If you're afraid to ride Space Mountain, how come you know so much about astronauts and junk?
Zazu: It's rather hard to explain. My feelings are a mixture of fascination and repulsion.
Iago: Oh. Like trying to pass by the scene of an accident?
Zazu: Yes. Or like my association with you.
Iago: Speaking of associations, does Space Mountain have a sponsor?
Zazu: The Magic Kingdom attraction was originally sponsored by RCA. Since 1994 Fed Ex has sponsored both this one and the one in Disneyland.
Iago: Oh, I get it. They deliver documents fast, and Space Mountain delivers passengers fast.
Zazu: Yes. Remember their old slogan: "When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight."
Iago: Heh. All this space talk and that slogan reminds me of the time I went to Princess Leia's place for dinner. It was getting late, and I told her, "I absolutely, positively have to be here overnight."
Zazu: What was her reaction?
Iago: She threw me out, and I landed right on my light saber. Believe me, the force was with her.
Zazu: Smart girl. Say, did you know that Disneyland's Space Mountain opened the same year as Star Wars?
Iago: 1977?
Zazu: May 4th, to be exact. It reaches a height of 163 feet, plus 17 feet underground. The diameter is only 2/3 the size of the Magic Kingdom mountain at 200 feet, and provides only 1.8 million cubic feet of volume. The geodesic sphere at the top of the attraction (inside) is called "FX-1." It only has one track, 3450 feet in length, with side-by-side seating for its twelve rockets, and a top speed of 32 mph.
Iago: Ooooooh, that one really moves at light speed.<snort!> How much is that in inches per second?
Zazu: <ahem> You would probably enjoy the Dick Dale soundtrack on Disneyland's version.
Iago: Chipmunk music? Terrific!
Zazu: Not chipmunk music, lovely French music. While the performace is pure surf guitar, the actual music is St. Saens' "Aquarium" from his "Carnival of the Animals."
Iago: Like in Fantasia 2000? I guess that figures. Surfers use the same ocean as whales. So when are we gonna get music here at the Magic Kingdom?
Zazu: One can but wonder. One thing we have gotten here is new cars, with a T-bar design replacing the lap bar. But getting back to Disneyland, originally, travel into space from Disneyland was sponsored by DASA. That's the "Disneyland Aeronautics and Space Administration," according to boarding passes and press kits. Appropriately, the first riders on Disneyland's Space Mountain were Scott Carpenter, Gordon Cooper, John Glenn, Walter Schirra, Alan Shepard, and Deke Slayton; also Betty Grissom standing in for her late husband, Gus.
Iago: She was standing? Wow, that must've been a wild ride!
Zazu: It's a figure of speech, you moonrock-head. Don't even think about standing on Space Mountain. Not only would that be dangerous for people and parrots; Disney doesn't even allow seeing-eye dogs on their Space Mountain attractions.
Iago: No dogs? You mean George Jetson can't take Astro for a ride? Bummer. Personally, I'd like to ride with Jane, his wife, and daughter Judy. You can get on the treadmill with George and Astro. That's more your speed.
Zazu: I doubt we'll be seeing George around here anytime soon. He's over at Universal Studios, on that Hanna-Barbera simulator attraction.
Iago: What about his boy Elroy? I betcha Elroy wants to ride Space Mountain.
Zazu: If Elroy can make a Universal Studios Escape, and he's 40 inches tall, he can ride at Disneyland; the height requirement is 44 inches for our Magic Kingdom. And how about this contrast ... at Tokyo Disneyland, riders must be over 2 years of age, but at Disneyland Paris, they must be 10 years old and a whopping 55 inches tall to ride.
Iago: 55 inches? Where'd I put those platform shoes that I wore to the Star Wars premiere? Why so strict?
Zazu: The Disneyland Paris version, called "Space Mountain: de la Terre à la Lune" (From the Earth to the Moon) opened 1 June 1995 in Discoveryland (the others are in Tomorrowlands). This one is very different, with inverting loops and quite different theming. The colored roof is covered with lights and neon.
Iago: Sounds very cool.
Zazu: If you think that sounds cool, you'll be interested to know that one early plan for the original Space Mountain had rockets orbiting the mountain on the outside, then "plunging into the blackness of space" inside. The original design was done by 1966, and got Walt's blessing, but there wasn't a control system available then that could operate it safely. By 1975, there was -- thanks in part to RCA sponsorship. This control system involves weighing each car, and considering its rolling qualities on its previous trip; which input is used to compensate for variations in passenger weight, wear, and even the different rolling qualities of the nylon wheels as they warm up over the day. Given these inputs, Space Mountain can dispatch rockets more frequently without concern for collisions -- up to seven per track. The 1959 Matterhorn, by contrast, had to use worst case conditions for spacing at all times, even when they weren't needed.
Iago: And speaking of worst case conditions, I think I've gone on ten circuits around Tomorrowland with you already. It hasn't exactly been the thrill ride I was looking for, though I'm sure it took your breath away. Can we go home now?
Zazu: Yes, I suppose I've gotten lost in space minutiae. It's time to make our way back from the outer limits.
Iago: Oh, that reminds me of some spacey jokes.
Zazu: You are a spacey joke.
Iago: No, no, listen. Why did Mickey Mouse go into outer space?
Zazu: I haven't the slightest idea.
Iago: To find Pluto!
Zazu: Are you sure it wasn't to get away from your annoying jokes?
Iago: Here's another one. A man went to the rocket station and asked for a ticket to the moon. "Sorry, sir," said the attendant, "the moon is full just now."
Zazu: Good lord....
Iago: How about this one: What's the most common disease among astronauts?
Zazu: <sigh> Space sickness?
Iago: No. Missile toe! Ha! Get it? Missile toe.
Zazu: What was it that Ralph Kramden fellow used to say to Alice? You're going to the --
Iago: OK, OK, you'll love this one. Why didn't the astronaut go to class?
Zazu: Why don't you go to --
Iago: Because it was launch time! Hahahaha. Launch time. And did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere. Or how about this one. What do space aliens eat for breakfast?
Zazu: Milky Ways?
Iago: No, that's what they have for snacks. The correct answer is "flying sausages." Which reminds me, does being weightless mean astronauts don't have to worry about their diets?
Zazu: Why Iago, you've just reminded me, I do know one space joke.
Iago: What is it?
Zazu: Why does steak taste better in space?
Iago: I don't know. Why does steak taste better in space?
Zazu: Because it's meteor! Hahaha. Oh, I do have a talent for this kind of thing, don't I?
Iago: I don't get it. Is that some kind of Hundred Acre Wood joke? Meet Eeyore? Huh? Why are you giving me that look?....
The music chosen to accompany this page is "Summer Nights" by Warren Casey and Jim Jacobs from the musical Grease.