26 July 1998
Zazu: Iago, I must confess, I'm a bit nervous this week.
Iago: About what?
Zazu: Do you think we're expanding too fast?
Iago: I told you not to have that second taco.
Zazu: That's not what I'm referring to, you ninny! I'm talking about our West Coast expansion to alt.disney.disneyland. We're bi-coastal now.
Iago: We're bi-what!? Wasn't June last month?
Zazu: Bi-coastal. In other words, our thread now appears on both coasts.
Iago: Oh. You had me worried there. My ears are still clogged from the flight back from California. And boy, are my wings tired. Anyway, what are you nervous about? Adders don't bite.
Zazu: <pause> There's something wrong with that statement, but I can't quite put my talon on it. Somehow, it doesn't make me feel any better.
Iago: I think you need a nice cup of tea. And I know just where you can get a cup ... a BIG cup.
Zazu: Oh, that sounds very soothing. Where?
Iago: At the Mad Tea Party! <snort, cackle, guffaw> And guess what? Today is the 47th anniversary of the London premiere of "Alice in Wonderland". It opened there on July 26, 1951.
Zazu: Why Iago, I'm most impressed.
Iago: I'm not as dumb as I look.
Zazu: We'll debate that later. Let's discuss the Mad Tea Party right now, Pekoe Breath.
Iago: OK, Mr. Grey.
Zazu: That's Earl Grey to you, you cuckoo. At any rate, the Mad Tea Party is an original attraction at both Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom in Disney World. It opened 17 July 1955 in California, and 1 October 1971 in Florida. The Disneyland version was relocated in the early 80's, and reopened 25 May 1983.
Iago: I wonder what kind of tea Alice likes best.
Zazu: Go ask Alice.
Iago: I tried. I sent her a letter, along with an 8×10 glossy of myself, but the carrier pigeon brought it back. Someone had written, "Alice doesn't live here anymore," across the front of the envelope.
Zazu: Alice is a very astute young lady. Tell me, Iago, have you read "Alice In Wonderland"?
Iago: Only part of it. Now I can't watch a croquet match without getting a headache.
Zazu: Me either. However, there's an interesting exchange between Alice and the Mad Hatter that pertains to this attraction. Apparently, the Hatter has had a quarrel with Time. I quote:
`And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, `he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
A bright idea came into Alice's head. `Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.
`Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh: `it's always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'
`Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.
`Exactly so,' said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.'
Iago: Oh, I get it! So you keep moving round on the ride!
Zazu: Precisely.
Iago: That was a nice story, but I'm feeling nauseating now.
Zazu: I agree, but perhaps you mean that you feel nauseous? Many people feel that way after riding the teacups. Sometimes I feel that way after going around in circles with you. Here's what Alice had to say about it:
`At any rate I'll never go there again!' said Alice as she picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'
Iago: I guess she didn't have the brownies.
Zazu: Have you been hanging around with that caterpillar again?
Iago: Yeah. I think he gave me some funny mushrooms.
Zazu: Hmmmm ... let's wrap this up before you explode in some kind of psychedelic frenzy.
Iago: Zazu, I think I'm having some kind of bad trip. I feel dizzy. A very merry un-birthday to you. Pass the brownies.
The music selected to accompany this page is "The Unbirthday Song" by Mack David, Al Hoffman, and Jerry Livingston.