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Zazu: Quick Iago, get up! We're in big trouble!
Iago: <snort, mumble> No Rosita, not again! Six times is enough. <Zzzzzz>
Zazu: Wake up you fool, your Aunt Polly is coming! And she's carrying a bag of bread crumbs!
Iago: Oh no! She must be short a few chickens for her famous Fourth of July picnic. Every year she tries to beat out Cordelia Knott for the Guinness record of fried chicken dinners served. Where'd I put that beagle disguise?
Zazu: Beagle disguise??!!
Iago: See? Snoopy the chicken has had you fooled all these years, too. But I bet you haven't seen poor Woodstock around Camp Snoopy lately, have you? Why do you think Knott's Berry Farm had a place called the Bird Cage Theatre? That's where Cordelia stashed her emergency poultry supply.
Zazu: Don't be absurd. The Bird Cage Theatre was strictly for hams. Besides, we don't have time for elaborate disguises now. I know a place she'll never expect us to hide. Quick, follow me!
Iago: Where to?
Zazu: Fantasyland!
Zazu: Ah, here we are.
Iago: B-b-but that's....
Zazu: Exactly! That's why she won't think to look here.
Iago: I dunno, I think I'd rather swim in Polly's birdie boiler.
Zazu: Just remember, the birdie boiler is forever, but a ride on It's a Small World only lasts about eleven minutes.
Iago: Hmm, eleven minutes versus forever... let me think about it....
Zazu: This is no time to try out a new hobby. Get moving!
Iago: Okay, okay. Wait, I have a better idea. Maybe we can just lose her in this big pile of strollers here. Try to fit in. Pretend to be a feathered diaper bag.
Zazu: I most certainly will not!
Iago: Why not? You're always saying you'd like to be pampered. Bwahahaha!
Zazu: Just get on the end of this queue and blend in with the unsuspecting tourists. I hear the unmistakable sound of Shake & Bake heading this way.
Iago: You know, you really should have used the left line. All the guidebooks say --
Zazu: Oh, shut up!
Iago: Uh-oh, I see her looking over here through that gigantic window in Pinocchio Village Haus.
Zazu: I told those Imagineers that big picture windows simply were not done in quaint little European villages, but would they listen to me? No.
Iago: I think she's spotted us!
Zazu: Blast those custodial cast members and their industrial strength bottles of Windex! Quick, get on the boat.
Iago: Gee, these boats look familiar.
Zazu: Oh, you pick now to demonstrate that your teensy little brain occasionally retains information? Yes, they're the same basic model used on Pirates of the Caribbean and El Rio del Tiempo.
Iago: Hey, didn't there used to be a Mattel sign over that archway?
Zazu: I see that the threat of imminent death has unexpectedly cleared the cobwebs from your mental attic. However, Mattel has recently shifted the focus of their business.
Iago: Really? What are they shifting the focus of their business to?
Zazu: Staying in it. Their stock hasn't been doing too hot lately.
Iago: Speaking of being hot, Aunt Polly seems to be gaining on us. Somebody just threw a head of garlic at me, and we haven't even gotten to the Italian gondolier doll yet.
Zazu: <turning around> Egads, she's within seasoning distance! There's only one thing left for us to do. Here, this is a magic bean I've been saving for just such an emergency. We'll have to use it now.
Iago: Excuse me! I don't think we've got time to grow a beanstalk right now.
Zazu: Of course not. Besides, this isn't a planting magic bean, this is a swallowing magic bean.
Iago: You don't mean....
Zazu: Yes I do, now gulp it down quickly.
Iago: But you know how I react to beans!
Zazu: I'm counting on it.
Iago: I don't think gas makes a very good defense....
Zazu: EAT IT!!!
Iago: Okay already! <gulp> There, are you happy now?
Zazu: I will be when you do that thing you do.
Iago: What thing?
Zazu: You know, "do the Pumbaa," "cut the cheese," er ... "fire the SBD"....
Iago: Oh! You mean you want me to---
Zazu: Iago, please! Not in front of the trolls!
Iago: Oh, sorry.
Zazu: Just hurry!
Iago: <Blattttt>
<SMOKE, DUST>
Zazu: Oh thank goodness! We're safe.
Iago: I doubt it. We're still in a Small World boat, and now it's stinky.
Zazu: Yes, but look at the sides of our "river!" Where once they were vertical, they now have a distinct slope to them. Do you know what that means?
Iago: I almost caused a washout?
Zazu: No, you pathetic psittacine! It means that we've been magically transported from the Magic Kingdom's Small World to the one at Disneyland. We're safe from your Aunt Polly at last!
Iago: You mean that Florida and California are only a fart apart? Gee, it is a Small World!
Zazu: Have you been reading the signs again?
Iago: No, the annoying music clued me in.
Soundtrack: It's a world of laughter, a world of tears, It's a world of hopes and a world of fears ...
Zazu: Look around you, and you'll see further evidence that we're in Disneyland: the load and unload area is outdoors. My, look at all the character topiary. These were the first ones, you know.
Iago: Disney invented plants!?! Gee, I thought they were a lot older than that.
Zazu: Not plants, you twit, character topiary!
Iago: Oh, you mean Disney invented plants with funny shapes.
Zazu: Well, not exactly. Topiary is an art that goes back centuries. Disney was just the first to shape plants like animals and other characters. Topiary species here include podocarpus, olive, eugenia, and dodonea. This attraction was the second place they were ever put on public display.
Iago: What was the first place?
Zazu: The plants were set out behind some buildings alongside the Disneyland Railroad tracks so guests could watch them grow -- for almost a decade.
Iago: Sheesh! I knew trains were slow, but really!
Zazu: The train isn't the only thing that's slow around here ...
Iago: You're right. That big clock up there is really slow. Like three hours.
Zazu: That's because we're on Pacific time now, you dolt! That clock is really quite interesting. It chimes and parades every 15 minutes. The "tick-tock" sound was originally created mechanically, with a pendulum hitting a wood block and a microphone amplifying the sound. Until the day that someone on a VIP tour expressed his astonishment in unDisnical language, and it was broadcast to the listening guests!
Soundtrack: There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware It's a small world after all.
Iago: I think I would rather hear that unDisnical language than this song. Maybe if you lecture real loud, it will drown out the sound of the music.
Zazu: Splendid idea. <yelling> "It's a Small World - a Salute to UNICEF" was originally built for the New York World's Fair in 1964/65, and sponsored by Pepsi-Cola.
Iago: Pepsi? I thought Coke was the one who wanted to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.
Zazu: Does it matter? Either way, these little tykes have obviously ingested too much sugar and caffeine.
Soundtrack: It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small world.
Zazu: The attraction was designed by Arrow Manufacturing based on a design by Bob Gurr (of Main Street Vehicles fame), and represented children from over 100 nations. Disneyland's version of the attraction came directly from the Fair. Construction began 9 June 1965, while the show was still on in New York City. MAPO was organized to handle the work of the move and restoration. The attraction opened here on 28 May 1966. It involved 10,000 balloons, 500 costumed children -- live ones -- and 1500 foreign dignitaries. At the opening ceremony, a liter of water from each of the countries represented was poured into the canal, which is called the Seven Seaways. The versions in Florida, Japan, and France are copies, and all three opened with their respective parks.
Iago: Ooh-la-la! Speaking of France, these can-can outfits are hot. Maybe Disney could update the attraction with Barbie Dolls instead of Chucky's girlfriends.
Zazu: That would only make things more nauseating, since every room would have to be done in pink. At least the current color scheme offers some variety. For instance, the European section is multi-colored; the Middle East is yellow; Africa is portrayed in blues and greens; Latin America is pink and orange; and the finale is white. Such aesthetic decisions were the responsibility of the art director, Mary Blair, in conjuction with Marc Davis and Claude Coats.
Iago: Yeah, there's plenty of colors. Too bad there's only one song.
Zazu: And an unforgettable one it is. We have Richard and Robert Sherman to thank (or curse) for that. Believe it or not, the first song idea proved even worse.
Iago: Don't pull my feathers! What could possibly be worse music than this?
Zazu: What about a medley of all 100 national anthems?
Iago: Sheesh! My ears hurt just from thinking about that.
Zazu: Not surprising. Your whole head hurts when you try to think. However, there is some respite from the music. At Christmastime, Disneyland does change the show, and the music. It's a Small World Holiday incorporates lights; seasonal decorations; special outifits for the 436 dolls; and Christmas tunes like "Jingle Bells" and "Deck the Halls," into the show. Even guests who usually find this attraction less than charming have been delighted by this version.
Iago: Hey look, flying carpets! I'm getting homesick for Agrabah.
Zazu: Actually, this scene represents India. Notice the Taj Mahal, the snake charmer, and the famous Indian rope trick.
Iago: Indian rope trick? Is that the same stunt that Pocahontas pulled on me when I grabbed her and yelled "Mine! Mine! Mine!"? I still have rope burns on my feathers.
Zazu: No, this is a completely different trick. But remind me to send her a nice thank-you note when we get home. Look up ahead, we're coming to the Africa section. Now I'm getting homseick.
Iago: Did you see that? The girl on the couch just winked at me!
Zazu: Cleo? I seriously doubt it.
Iago: No, really, she did! Fly back and ask her yourself.
Zazu: She'll never admit to it. She's the queen of da Nile.
Iago: Oh, very funny.
Zazu: Well, the hyenas seem to be enjoying it.
Iago: Not as much as they'd enjoy seeing you in the birdie boiler.
Zazu: Please, don't remind me. Suddenly, I don't feel so homesick.
Iago: How much more of this do we have to endure, anyway?
Zazu: We shall journey through South and Central America and Polynesia before the grand finale.
Iago: South America? Bring on the Brazilian chicks!
Zazu: Certainly! Here they are now, hatching out of their eggs in the rainforest.
Iago: Er... that's not exactly what I had in mind.
Zazu: Perhaps the little mermaids will cheer you up.
Iago: Ariel is here?!
Zazu: No, but these merchildren are quite enchanting, aren't they?
Iago: Aren't there any -- um, older dolls here?
Zazu: I'm afraid not.
Iago: Bummer. Maybe we could take a side trip to Hollywood?
Zazu: No, but we can tell everyone that we spent the day cruising around Southern California, surrounded by blondes, brunettes, and redheads, every one of them a doll.
Iago: Oooh, I like that idea. Can we go home right now?
Zazu: Yes, I suppose so. Surely Polly has given up on us by this time.
Iago: Just how do we get home, anyway? We have no money and no credit cards.
Zazu: Well, you cut the cheese once to get us here, so I suppose that twice will take us home.
Iago: Are you sure?
Zazu: Er, it's been quite awhile since I got that magic bean. I'm afraid I lost the instructions, but I'm certain that it must be two.
Iago: Okay then. Hold on! <Blattttt! Blattttt!>
<SMOKE, DUST>
Zazu: <cough!> Well, here we are, safe and sound.
Iago: Ummmm, Zazu, what's that thing? <pointing up>
Zazu: What thing? <looking up> <gasp!> That's the Tower of the Four Winds!
Iago: They put that up during the time we were gone? Wow, these Disney Imagineers really do work magic.
Zazu: No, no, the Tower of the Four Winds was a mobile at the entrance of the UNICEF Pavilion during the World's Fair. It was designed by Rolly Crump, and was 12 stories high, weighed 100 tons, and had 52 moving parts. The Tower was a landmark that could be seen from all over the fairgrounds. It displayed colorful figures of animals from all around the world, and the mobile itself represented "the boundless energy of youth," in the words of Walt Disney. An estimate of $80,000 for moving the tower to Disneyland was too much, and the tower was cut up for scrap.
Iago: So how can it be in Florida in 1999?
Zazu: We're not in Florida in 1999! Don't you see? We're back at the Fair in New York City in 1964! Oh, this is amazing. Let's go see what the attraction was like in its original form. There were differences, you know. For instance, China was not included on the original ride because of poor US-China relations. Disney didn't add a China scene to the parks until the 1970s. If memory serves, I believe there should be 302 dolls and animals inside. Look, there's a ticket booth.
Ticket Seller: Can I help youse?
Zazu: Two tickets, please.
Ticket Seller: That'll be a buck twenty.
Zazu: A buck twenty?
Ticket Seller: Yeah, a buck twenty. 60 cents for kids, 95 cents for adults. Do the math.
Iago: Hey Zazu, she thinks we're kids! I knew I looked good, but I didn't realize how good.
Zazu: My word, Iago, look at us! We are kids! This is 1964! Oh, this is truly remarkable --
Ticket Seller: Look, do youse kids have the dough or not? There's a line behind you. Where are your parents, anyway?
Zazu: Er, dough?
Iago: Parents??
Ticket Seller: Security! We got two lost kids over here! Take them to the RCA Pavilion so their pictures can be broadcast over that closed circuit TV thingy, and their parents can find them.
Iago: Zazu, do something before that big security guard grabs us!
Zazu: Oh dear. Iago, the magic number to get us home must be three. Yes, yes, that's it. Like Dorothy repeating "There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home." Or that dreadful "Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!" phrase from that movie you watch all the time.
Iago: Okay, if you say so. <Blattttt! Blattttt! Blattttt!>
<SMOKE, DUST>
Iago: What the heck is this? That stupid spell put us back on the Walt Disney World Railroad tracks instead of in Fantasyland.
Zazu: Iago, this area doesn't look familiar.
Passing Workman: That Disney fella must be nuts to think this place is gonna be ready in two weeks! July 17 my foot!
Second Worker: Well, at least the railroad will take its first run today. So on Opening Day, people can ride around and look at the construction all day. That should be fun. Ha! What a nutty idea. Disneyland! Sheesh.
Zazu: First run ... let me see ... that was on 4 July -- good heavens, Iago, we're back in Disneyland in 1955! The park hasn't even opened yet. It's a Small World doesn't exist.
Iago: 1955? I don't even exist! Hey, Zazu, what's this white powdery stuff all over me? And how come I ... goo goo ga ga.
Zazu: Iago, you're turning back into an egg! That white substance is calcium. It isn't the world that's small; it's US!
<distant train whistle>
Zazu: The twain is coming! The twain is coming! I want my mommy! I don't know how to fly yet. We're gonna get hit by the twain!
Iago: Goo goo ga ga.
<APPROACHING TRAIN WHISTLE>
Zazu: I know! The Tower of the FOUR WINDS! That's it. Iago, you need to toot FOUR times! Can you understand me? You're a baby. You must have plenty of gas. Come on, Iago! You can do it!
Iago: <Blattttt! Blattttt! Blattttt! Blattttt!>
The music selected to accompany this page is "Hello Dolly" by Louis Armstrong.