THE POOH WHO WAS NEW
The sun, how it shone!
It was too hot to play.
So we perched in the Tiki Room
On that hot, hot, hot day.
I perched there with Zazu.
We perched there, we two.
And I said, "How I wish we had something to do!"
Too hot to go out
And too tired to brawl,
We perched in the Tiki Room.
We did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to
Perch!
Perch!
Perch!
Perch!
So quiet and still that
It felt just like church.
And then
Something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!
We looked!
Then we saw him come out of the blue.
We looked!
And we saw him!
The Pooh Who Was New!
And he said to us,
"Why are you stuck there like glue?"
"I know it's so hot
That you birds can't be punny.
But we can have
Lots of good fun. I've got hunny!"
"I know some good games we could play,"
Said the Pooh.
"I know some fine tricks,"
Said the Pooh Who Was New.
"A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you.
Your Toad friend
Will not mind at all if I do."
Then Zazu and I
Thought about old Toad Hall,
From whence J.T. Toad was evicted
Last Fall.
So Zazu said, "No! No!
Make that Pooh go away!
Tell that Pooh Who Is New
We do not want to play.
He should not be here.
He should not be about.
He should not be here
Since he kicked the Toad out!"
"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the Pooh.
"My tricks are not bad,"
Said the Pooh Who Was New.
"Why, we can have
Lots of good fun. Have you heard
Of the game that I call
Up-up-up-flip-the-bird?"
"Put me down!" said Zazu.
"This is no fun at all!
Put me down!" said Zazu.
"I do not wish to fall!"
"Have no fear!" said the Pooh.
"I will not let you lurch.
I will hold you up high
As I stand on your perch,
With a book in one hand!
And your tea cup there, too!
But that is not ALL I can do!"
Said the Pooh...
"Look at me!'
Look at me now!" the Pooh said.
"With the cup full of tea
On the top of my head!
I can hold up TWO books!
I can hold up the bird!
And his pocket protector!
(Oh boy, what a nerd!)
And look!
I can hop up and down like a Tigger!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
This trick gets bigger ...
"Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
I can hold up the cup
Full of tea, my good friends!
I can hold up these books!
And the bird with his pens!
I can hold these Mouse ears
And this toy Peter Pan,
And Look! In my shirt
I can hold a Tarzan!
I can juggle ten beanies as I bounce like a spring!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
Now I will sing ..."
That is what the Pooh said ...
Then he fell on his head!
He came down with a bump
From up there on the perch.
And I watched in surprise
As he fell with the merch!
And Zazu came down, too.
He fell into a pot!
He said, "Do I like this?
Oh, no! I do not."
"This is not a good game,"
Said Zazu, drowned in hunny.
"No, I do not like it,
It's not a bit funny!"
"Now look what you did!"
Said Zazu to the Pooh.
"Now look at this place!
Look at me! Look at you!
You bent those Mouse ears
On the nose of that Tiki.
You broke my new pen
And now it's all leaky.
You SHOULD NOT be here
When our Toad friend is not.
You get out of this park!"
Said Zazu from the pot.
"But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!"
Said the Pooh Who Was New
To Zazu in the pot.
"I will not go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so," said the Pooh Who Was New,
"So
so
so ...
I will show you
Another good game that I know!"
And next thing I knew,
In that pot I was crammed,
And carried by Pooh Bear
To Fantasyland.
We went to Toad Hall
But it looked very strange.
"Now see my new ride,"
Said the Pooh.
"Things have changed."
Then he took out a box
As he stood in the queue.
"I call this game FUN-FOR-A-PRICE,"
Said the Pooh.
"In this box are two things
I will sell to you now.
You will like these two things,"
Said the Pooh with a bow.
"I will open the box..
You will see something new.
Two things. And I call them
Plush One and Plush Two.
These things will not bite you.
They want to have fun."
Then, out of the box
Came Plush Two and Plush One!
And they ran to us fast.
They said, "How do you do?
Would you like to pay cash?
Call us Piglet and Roo."
I stood there, and I
Had no cash for those two.
So I paid with my Visa
For Piglet and Roo.
I signed the receipt,
But Zazu said, "No! No!
No Plush should be sold
At this ride! Make them go!
They should not be here
When our Toad friend is not!
Put them out! Put them out!"
said Zazu from the pot.
"Have no fear, little bird,"
Said the Pooh Who Was New.
"These Plush are good things.
They are part of my crew.
They are tame. Oh, so tame!
They have come here to play.
They will give you some fun
On this hot, hot, hot day."
"Now, here is a game that they like,"
Said the Pooh.
"They like to fly kites,"
Said the Pooh Who Was New.
"No! Not in this ride!"
Said Zazu from the pot.
"They should not fly kites
In this ride! They should not.
Oh, the things they will bump!
Oh, the things they will hit!
Oh, I do not like it!
Not one little bit!"
Then Zazu and I
From our pot watched it all.
We saw those two Plush
Bump their kites on the wall!
Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!
Through the former Toad Hall.
Then the kites flew away.
Oh the wind! How it blew!
It threatened to blow away
Piglet and Roo!
But they only laughed
As they soared o'er the road,
Yelling, "We're lots more fun
Than that lame Mr. Toad!"
Then our hunny pot bounced
And I thought it might spin,
But it stayed straight on track
So I said with chagrin,
"What is this?
This is lamer than Cat in the Hat.
I like to get spun,
But these pots don't do that!"
Then we heard <HONK! HONK!>
And we both shook with fear.
"Our Toad friend is on his way home!
Do you hear?
Oh, what will he do to us?
What will he say?
Oh, he will not like to
Find Toad Hall this way!"
"So, DO something! Fast!" said Zazu,
"Do you hear!
I heard him. Our Toad friend!
His flivver is near!
So, as fast as you can,
Think of something to do!
You will have to get rid of
Plush Piglet and Roo!"
So, as fast as I could,
I went straight to Usenet.
And I said, "With Usenet
I can get them I bet.
I bet, with Usenet,
I can get those Plush yet!"
Then I posted to RADP:
"They're a flop!"
Take a stand against Pooh!
Sales of Plush have to stop."
Then I said to the Pooh,
"Now you do what I tell,
You pack up those Plush
And you all go to Hell!"
"Oh bother!" said Pooh.
"You did not like our game ...
Oh dear.
What a shame!
What a shame!
What a shame!"
Then he shut up the Plush
In the box with a key.
And the Pooh went away
Without refunding me.
"That is good," said Zazu.
"He has gone away. True.
But our Toad friend will come,
And find remnants of Pooh!
And this Pooh craze is big.
This whole park is Pooh Mall.
We can't cover it up.
There is no way at all!"
And THEN!
Who was back at the ride?
Why, the Pooh!
"Have no fear of this craze,"
Said the Pooh Who Was New.
"I always pick up all my playthings
And so ...
I will show you another
Good trick that I know!"
Then we saw him pick up
All the things that were Pooh.
He cleaned up the hunny,
And wiped up the goo,
And dried up the Floody Place
Quick as could be.
And the Heffalumps,Woozles,
And old Owl's tree,
And Tigger and Eeyore
And Kanga left too.
And then he retreated,
That Pooh Who Was New.
Then our Toad friend arrived,
Said, "I'm back from L.A.
How's Toad Hall? How is Ratty?
How's Badger today?"
And Zazu and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell him
The things that went on there that day?
Should we tell him about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well ...
What would YOU do
If old Toady asked YOU?
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