15 November 1998
Zazu: Iago, your table manners are atrocious. What on earth are you doing with your mashed potatoes?
Iago: I'm making a mountain.
Zazu: Aren't you a little old to be playing with your food?
Iago: I can't help it, Zazu. I keep thinking about Big Thunder Mountain.
Zazu: <hopefully> Oh? Are you planning a trip out West? A long trip out West?
Iago: No, it's not that. I -- I -- I can't tell you why.
Zazu: <shrugging> Suit yourself.
Iago: All right, you forced it out of me! But this is top secret. Just between you and me. <whispering> We're gonna be rich!
Zazu: Rich?!? Has your Aunt Polly the cannibal finally kicked th--
Iago: SHHH! No, Aunt Polly hasn't kicked the bucket of chicken yet. Close the Tiki Room door. If William and Morris hear about this, they'll want 60%.
Zazu: <snorting> You're paying your agent 60%?
Iago: Of course. The standard talent agent fee. <suspiciously> Isn't that what you're paying?
Zazu: Oh, er, yes, yes indeed. Please do go on about our newfound wealth.
Iago: Well, I was flying over Big Thunder Mountain when I spotted something shiny on the ground. So I swooped down to see what it was, and it was a genuine gold nugget! I've been trying to figure out a way for us to sneak in there at night and dig up some more, so we can open up a whole chain of Tiki Rooms across the country.
Zazu: <scornfully> A gold nugget? Knowing you, it's probably a penny that one of the tourists threw on the mining equipment while standing in line.
Iago: It is not a penny, Poindexter! I know a penny when I see one. Trust me, this is not a penny. It doesn't have a picture of Uncle Sam on it or anything.
Zazu: That's not Uncle Sam, you idiot! It's -- oh, never mind. Let me see this so-called gold nugget.
Iago: No way. You'll just waste it on some dopey thing like rent or electricity.
Zazu: Fine. I'm sure it's just fool's gold, anyway.
Iago: Don't you ever stop with the insults?
Zazu: Much as I regret to say this, that was not an insult. Fool's gold is a common moniker for a metallic sulfide, such as pyrite, that is gold in color and is often mistaken for the genuine precious metal.
Iago: Huh?
Zazu: It's just a rock that looks like gold.
Iago: Oh. No, this is really gold. I'm sure of it. I bit it and everything. See my broken tooth?
Zazu: Good gracious, Iago, when was the last time you saw a dentist? With those teeth, and that red, leathery skin, and that stench, you could definitely pass for a crusty old 49er.
Iago: Really? I always thought I was too scrawny for football.
Zazu: Not that kind of 49er. An 1849er. A gold prospector. The kind of guy who lived in a place like Tumbleweed or Rainbow Ridge.
Iago: Aren't those the new townhouse developments in Kissimmee?
Zazu: No, those are the names of the mining towns in the Walt Disney World and Disneyland versions of Big Thunder Mountain, respectively. And guess what? Today, November 15th, is the 18th anniversary of Walt Disney World's Big Thunder. It opened in 1980. Just a year after the Disneyland version, which debuted on 2 September 1979. The attraction was also built in Tokyo Disneyland, opening 4 July 1987, and Disneyland Paris, opening on 12 April 1992.
Iago: 1979, 1980, 1987, and 1992. What about 1849?
Zazu: That was the year when guys like you all thought they would become instant millionaires, and rushed out to California.
Iago: Ohhh ... that's when California got Lotto.
Zazu: Not Lotto. Gold! Which Disney needed lots of to buy the genuine mining equipment that is used for the attraction in all four parks. For our version here in Florida, the equipment cost $300,000.
Iago: That's alotta bucks. Whose idea was it to spend that kind of money on used merchandise?
Zazu: Actually, it was mostly the idea of Tony Baxter.
Iago: The Splash Mountain guy?
Zazu: Exactly. And the $300,000 was only a small part of the cost. After 18 months of construction, 630 tons of steel, 4,675 tons of "mud," and 9,000 gallons of paint, the final tab was $17 million.
Iago: Yowza! All that dough, and there isn't a decent-looking house in the whole place. Not to mention a decent plumber. What's with all the water?
Zazu: The deluge was brought on by Professor Cumulus Isobar, the rainmaker who was so successful that he flooded the town, and is now bailing to save his caravan wagon.
Iago: I noticed some guys in the Gold Dust Saloon who didn't seem too eager to leave.
Zazu: Apparently, they're too caught up in their poker game. Money, money, money. I suppose that's what brought them to Big Thunder Mountain in the first place. Legend has it that Big Thunder was named for the noise it would make whenever men tried to steal the gold in it.
Iago: Heh. That's funny. The guys at the taco stand call me Big Thunder, too, but it's because I --
Zazu: Yes, I'm well aware of the history behind that nickname. Speaking of history, the Disneyland version of Big Thunder has the dinosaur skeleton and buildings from Mine Train Through Nature's Wonderland, a Disneyland attraction dating back to 1956. The Walt Disney World version has saguaro, bobcat, mountain sheep, and peccaries from the same attraction.
Iago: Are we allowed to say peccaries?
Zazu: Iago, a peccary is a sort of hog-like creature.
Iago: Ohhh, the ones that look like Pumbaa's relatives.
Zazu: Yes.
Iago: Maybe that's where the thundering is coming from.
Zazu: Hmmm. Well, these days, the noise on the mountain is more likely coming from tourists screaming as they shake, rattle, and roll over the 2,780 feet of track, for 3 minutes and 28 seconds, at the earth-shattering top speed of 24 miles per hour. The largest g-force felt during the ride is the "safety stop" in the station, just before the final stop.
Iago: 24 miles per hour?! It sure seems faster than that. And I thought I was so brave riding on it.
Zazu: That's how the Imagineers want you to feel. Just look at the names given to the locomotives on the six Florida trains: #1 I.M. Brave, #2 I.M. Fearless, #3 U.R Courageous, #4 I.M. Brave (again), #5 I.B. Hearty, and #6 I.M. Fearless (again).
Iago: Cute. Number 5 sounds like a pirate named it. But now that I know it doesn't go that fast, I don't feel all that brave.
Zazu: Perhaps it would help to learn that you are travelling on the (ahem!) highest mountain in Florida.
Iago: No kidding!
Zazu: No kidding. At an official height of 197 feet, as mountain measurements go, Big Thunder is the highest in the state. Which I guess is about as meaningful as saying you're the smartest red parrot within 2 feet.
Iago: Gee, thanks, Zazu. Since you're being nice to me now, I guess I can show you my gold nugget. Here, look.
Zazu: <examines it>
Iago: See? See? What'd I tell ya?
Zazu: Iago, this is an unpopped kernel of popcorn.
Iago: What?! Are you sure?
Zazu: Yes, Pocahontas, I'm sure. Corn may be golden, but it's most definitely not gold.
Iago: Darn! Then I suppose this other one isn't a real nugget, either. <showing it to Zazu.>
Zazu: <examines it> Where did you get this, Iago?
Iago: <hopefully> From Aunt Polly.
Zazu: That figures. It's a chicken McNugget.
The music chosen to accompany this page is "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver.