Attraction of the Week
Bathroom of Tomorrow
or, Iago & Zazu Take a Potty BreakMusic for Flushing:
<Somewhere in the Utilidors, deep beneath Adventureland, on 5 June 1999>
Zazu: Iago! Oh, Iago! Bother, I don't think I shall ever find him. Ah, a restroom -- just what I need.
From a stall: <whimper, moan>
Zazu: Who's there? Are you all right? Iago! What are you doing here?
Iago: I don't feel so good.
Zazu: What's wrong, have you been dining at your Aunt Polly's again?
Iago: Naw, it's not something I ate, it's something I read. I've got trollitis.
Zazu: Trollitis!?! That would explain why your red feathers have that green tinge. Didn't you take that killfile medicine I sent you?
Iago: No, I was afraid it would have a bad reaction with my AOL pills.
Zazu: Oh for heaven's sake, you really ought to upgrade. It would do you good in more ways than just this, you know.
Iago: Oh, that's very comforting. As long as I'm here kneeling at the porcelain altar, I'll include you in my prayers!
Zazu: Nonsense. While you might not yet be fit for public viewing, we can at least continue our discussion of Disney park attraction history. We've been kind of, er, irregular lately.
Iago: <moan> Now I'm really gonna be sick.
Zazu: Well then, what better attraction for us to discuss than the Bathroom of Tomorrow?
Iago: The what? Do you mean that silly display over at Innoventions?
Zazu: Of course not. I mean the original Bathroom of Tomorrow from the early days of Disneyland.
Iago: Zazu, only you could lecture about the photocell-operated Disney toilets for a whole week! And only you would be interested in listening!
Zazu: Hmm, apparently you have never seen the hit counter on the "Happiest Potties on Earth" website, but that's not what I'm talking about. The Bathroom of Tomorrow was a real Tomorrowland attraction.
Iago: Oh yeah, I think I remember now. That was part of the House of the Future. The big plastic suburb-to-go, right?
Zazu: No, that was a separate attraction that opened even before the Bathroom of Tomorrow closed. That's the trouble with Tomorrowland -- tomorrow keeps showing up on your doorstep.
Iago: Really? All I get on my doorstep is the "Adventureland Advertiser" each week.
Zazu: You finally subscribed? Good. Your apartment really did need some fresh carpeting.
Iago: Hey! Not all of us can lift the New York Times Review of Books, you know.
Zazu: At any rate, our attraction really had a dual title: The Bathroom of Tomorrow and Fun With Water.
Iago: My treehouse apartment has plenty of fun with water, and every time I ask Mr. Robinson about a bathroom, he just says, "Tomorrow."
Zazu: <ahem> The Crane Plumbing Company obviously thought it would be a good way to promote their plumbing products.
Iago: Wow. The star of "Hogan's Heroes" owned a toilet company? I guess that makes sense. He had lots of experience digging holes in the floor at Stalag 13.
Zazu: No, not that Crane. "Hogan's Heroes" didn't even premiere until 1965. The Bathroom of Tomorrow opened earlier, during Disneyland's second year, on 5 April 1956.
Iago: So, Disneyland's guests had to use the Bathroom of Yesterday for the first nine months?
Zazu: You're enjoying this bathroom humor, aren't you?
Iago: <shrugs> It's a gift!
Zazu: You probably would have enjoyed the exhibit then. It featured a glassed-in display of Crane's full line of "Criterion" fixtures, designed by the famous Henry Dreyfuss.
Iago: Isn't he the guy who starred in "Mr. Holland's Opus"?
Zazu: No, that was Richard Dreyfus.
Iago: So, these were fixtures designed for high school bathrooms?
Zazu: No! They were designed for the modern home -- assuming, of course, your modern home's color sceme was compatible with "citrus yellow."
Iago: Eeeeeew. Did that Dreyfuss guy forget to flush?
Zazu: No, no, "citrus yellow" was the color of the fixtures.
Iago: Oh. I wonder if that's what they used in that future house in Horizons where it always smelled like oranges.
Zazu: I don't really want to think about it. If I did, I'd have to wonder where someone might want to install the shocking pink version displayed in miniature.
Iago: Pink!?! Wow, there really are people with worse taste than me.
Zazu: Hard to believe, isn't it? Of course, whomever they are, they might also want to buy the appliances shown next door at the "Laundry of the Future".
Iago: Laundry of the Future!? Wouldn't that be all the stuff in your closet that you haven't worn yet? <snort!> What's next? Sewers of the Millennium?
Zazu: Well, I suppose you could call it that, but the signs there called the last exhibit "Industrial Flow Control" -- a display of "Valves in Industry." This was one of the first interactive attractions at a Disney park, with guests using the valves to control the flow of waters in a colorful display of transparent "pipes."
Iago: Guests controlling the flow of their pipes at an interactive water display in Tomorrowland? So that's where they got the idea for Cosmic Waves in Disneyland! Sheesh! With everything splishing and splashing, I'll bet they needed a working toilet in that exhibit.
Zazu: Um, the toilets in this exhibit didn't actually work, Iago. They were, after all, on public display. The exhibit lasted until 31 August 1965. Apparently, tomorrow took almost a decade to arrive.
Iago: Sorta like the punch lines in your jokes?
Zazu: Or like your catching onto the meaning of them. So, are you feeling better?
Iago: Yeah, I feel fine now.
Zazu: Good. Why don't we go back upstairs then?
Iago: Excuse me! With these red feathers -- this week-end? Forget it. Folks would think I'm a girly-bird.
Zazu: Er, Iago? Folks who know you well already think you're a girly-bird.
Iago: Good point.
Zazu: So just when will you be coming out of the bathroom?
Iago: I dunno. Maybe "tomorrow." Hey, that reminds me of a little ditty sung by another famous redhead. The acoustics are pretty good in here. I think I'll --
Zazu: Oh no! Please don't --
The bird'll come out ... tomorrow.
Bet your Disney Dollar that tomorrow, there'll be fun.
Just thinkin' about tomorrow,
clears away the troll posts and the sorrow, 'til there's none.
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! ....
The music selected to accompany this page is "Splish Splash" by Bobby Darin and Murray Kaufman. MIDI sequencing by Gary Rogers.